Wish you were here?

It seems every time I call home people are never shy in letting me know that the UK is rubbish and I should think myself lucky I'm not there. I try to tell them that it's not that amazing over here, I mean it's pretty good but it's not like they have Match Of The Day. Or Top Gear. Maybe I just miss UK TV programmes and that's it. In fact I think that is it. I honestly think several of those people would appreciate the motherland more should they ever live in another country. Says the guy who would sell his game collection to stay in Canada. Well most of it. Not the Neo Geo Pocket Color stuff, that shit is bananas.

I'd love to say I have some highlights to put here but I really don't, the Slurm was the highlight of the week. Work is still dead, although the ridiculous decision to extend the mall hours means I'll have more late shifts starting next week. Seriously, who buys games at 8pm? I also walked over to North Vancouver and back to hit up the Wal-Mart in Capilano Mall. It was raining for the entire duration and reminded me of that day several months ago when I was doing much the same thing. Except I was jobhunting with no success, no waterproof coat, in uncomfortable shoes and feeling thoroughly depressed. I've come a long way.

I also discovered my parents have booked a cruise and will be away for 3 weeks shortly after I get back, allowing me to watch the World Cup in peace. And put all my stuff back in exactly the same place it was when I left, I don't care how long it takes. If I want to trip over boxes of DVDs and have to move my bed every time I want an item of clothing from my wardrobe, that's my choice.

My friends > my parents

Some of you may know I was wronged some months ago when a can of Slurm I had managed to find was stolen and consumed back in England. Several broken promises and remorseless months later and finally I have some form of retribution. Two co-workers took it upon themselves, unprompted, to help an English boy in need and this is what they came up with.

One refreshing can of Slurm. You should have seen my face when I unwrapped the box it came in. It was like seeing Rooney get that hat trick against Fenerbahçe on his debut. But what could be better than a can of Slurm?

TWO cans of Slurm, that's what."One to drink and one to keep". And I'm not even finished...

The pièce de résistance. Once again Nina and Kristel, thank you.

I don't mind naming and shaming since, as I said, there was a lack of remorse for the original wrongdoing. I realise I've lumped my mum in with the entry title as well which may be a tad harsh, but she should be supervising him better. Also they've shifted all the crap in my room around for basically no reason whatsoever. You know when you see parents on the news who have kept their child's room exactly the way it was when they left so if they come back it'll be like they never left? Why can't they do that? Just shut the door and leave it. Now I have to reorganise all those PS1 games I'll never play.

Assimilation

I didn't really notice it until recently but there are definite signs I'm ingraining myself in Canadian culture. I think it's a good thing, unless I go the whole way and lose my English identity. However I doubt that very much, I've yet to meet anyone else who uses the phrase 'bloody hell'. Some examples that I've noted in the last few weeks:

- On my way to the supermarket some Australian guys asked me where the IMAX theatre was. I said I wasn't sure, then inquired if they were looking to watch Avatar. They said yes and then for some reason I decided to give my opinion on the film and the price they would have to pay to watch it. I walked away wondering what I was playing at and I imagine the Australians wondered why English tourists are so opinionated.

- I pronounce words differently. Ad-dress instead of A-ddress for instance. Rout-er still sounds very wrong though.

- I use 'eh' at the end of sentences.

- I watched a hockey game the other day and wasn't bored out of my mind. I wasn't exactly entertained either, but it's progress.

The 'eh' one gets the most. I never thought I'd be doing that.

So other than that there's been a few films watched, a waitress telling me I eat really slowly and other people telling me I eat at Quiznos too often. I never got this hassle before. I've never known people get beef for having too many meal deals at Boots. But my eating habits being mocked aside, it's been a really good week.

Well I never

They say you never stop learning and that's definitely been the case over the last week. Before I go into the details I should preface it by saying almost nothing I've learnt over the last few days is likely to be of any use to me in future. Allow me to demonstrate:

- McDonald's do a crème brûlée McFlurry. My experience of crème brûlées is limited but I'm betting it bore little to no resemblance of that particular flavour. I also managed to confuse two separate employees when ordering it, in fact one of them even said "I have no idea what that is".

- A walk around the perimeter of Stanley Park is a hell of a lot colder in January than it is in August.

- Expressing myself without using bullet points is hard.

- Taking phone calls when I'm on a webcam chat is a bad idea.

- A banjo looks like a magnifying glass.

- Greg can say no to food. I know, I find this one hard to believe as well. Suddenly one evening whilst the four of us were enjoying a meal the one man food-o-matic turned down some burger in favour of a few salad scraps. Henry Jones Junior put it best: "You're insulting them and you're embarrassing me. Eat it."

- Most people think snow is crap.

It's been pretty slow at work recently but it's just the calm before the Olympic storm. I won't start talking about the Olympics though as that usually results in me swearing a lot. Spent some time re-watching classic films (that's right, Jingle All The Way is on that list) and catching up on some British culture in the form of old sitcoms. I've also caught myself thinking about when I come home, but almost immediately stopped myself. It's five months today but to honest I don't want to think about it. In fact, I don't even want to talk about it.

Sometimes other people say it best

I've noticed over the last week or so that the things other people have been saying are far more interesting and funny than anything I've come out with. This is great as far as I'm concerned, although it's probably not good when something like this happens I automatically think "That'll be good for the blog". What I need now is to eavesdrop on conversations that involve topics for internet polls.

- During lunch, sitting near 3 of the most vacant individuals in Vancouver. Topics of conversation included: "Don't you hate it when you go to a restaurant and because of the food your face is all puffy the next day?" and "Oh my God I can't believe we're so similar again! We should definitely go through each other's closets one day and check what stuff we both own".

- When I suggested that a friend sometimes found it difficult to say no to members of the opposite sex: "I don't think it's that. I think I'm just really polite".

- Seeing dogs and cats in pens at a pet store. Me: "See that's why cats are better, everyone's watching them". Friend: "The dogs are playing as well, but they''re covered in their own saliva and urine".

- "Yeah I'd like to visit the UK. I want to go to Nottingham". Really?

- "Accents are awesome. Even Australian ones". Giving with one hand, taking away with the other. Thankfully this one was said in jest.

- "You must be drunk". I suggested to someone that Britney Spears was one of the best artists of the last decade. To be fair I was joking. She's more like top ten.

That's it, nothing else interesting happened. Look I work 5 days a week, I can't be entertaining all the time. I will get some more photos soon though, I think it's time. It shouldn't be too hard, I think there's some from Christmas kicking around. So I can relive that particular magic.

New Year's Resolutions

Actually I don't make New Year's resolutions. I mean who's thinking about them in June, let alone October or November? I also don't like to plan ahead, it makes life more exciting. Like relocating 5000 miles away for instance. But if I did make resolutions at this time of year, these are probably what they would be:

- Get a tattoo. Likely to be "I'm not Australian" on some prominent part of my body.

- Do some more travelling. I'd like to point out that travelling does include visits to Disney World and/or Disneyland.

- Buy fewer games. No point even trying with that one.

- Find a way of expressing myself that doesn't involve bullet points.

- Do more snowboarding. Woah, spilling over into things that might be actual resolutions here. Let's get back on track.

- Stop using internet speak, even in jest. It'll be hard, but I think it's possible. I'm fairly certain I didn't get an A-Level in English Literature so I could respond to an unfunny joke by saying 'lulz' out loud.

- Not buy a Batman suit. I think I've grown out of that one to be honest, no pun intended. Bit like a tiger that suit, it looks good but you wouldn't want to own one.

I like how I've labelled these as not actual resolutions, so any failure to comply is not really a failure, since they're not real. Like it matters either way.

I also had confirmation today that the guest blog entry (remember that?) is never going to be written. I can hardly say I'm surprised, apparently she "just wanted to win". But at what cost, Rosie? At what cost?