See, I told you no-one remembers resolutions in March

Some of you may remember back in January I made some non-New Year's Resolutions. So let's see how I'm getting on with those shall we?

Get a tattoo. Likely to be "I'm not Australian" on some prominent part of my body.
Hmm. Fair to say this one was always unlikely. The Australian thing has died down though.

Do some more travelling. I'd like to point out that travelling does include visits to Disney World and/or Disneyland.
I went to Richmond. Does that count?

Buy fewer games. No point even trying with that one.
Yeah it was a good idea crossing that out.

Find a way of expressing myself that doesn't involve bullet points.
Err. Next.

Do more snowboarding. Woah, spilling over into things that might be actual resolutions here. Let's get back on track.
Crap! This was definitely something I should have done more of.

Stop using internet speak, even in jest. It'll be hard, but I think it's possible. I'm fairly certain I didn't get an A-Level in English Literature so I could respond to an unfunny joke by saying 'lulz' out loud.
Ah, one I've actually stuck to. Still going well on this particular point.

Not buy a Batman suit. I think I've grown out of that one to be honest, no pun intended. Bit like a tiger that suit, it looks good but you wouldn't want to own one.
So far so good. I wouldn't be able to save the money anyway, thanks to the resolution I crossed out.

Not including the games one, I make that 2/6. 3 if you count going to Richmond.

2/6 then.

"If you fall off that chair I'm not catching you"

The past few days have been marked by some sort of random malady I've picked up. I spent most of Tuesday wanting to lie down; my back, neck & arms hurt, whilst my head seemed to be on fire. I think it was lugging stuff around on the Monday that did it, that's the last time I pick up a shipping box from the loading dock without a trolley. I should also probably use the elevator instead of the stairs. Anyway I'm mostly fine now, even though one of the guys at work thought I was going to fall off a chair at one point. You can't even sway randomly from left to right these days without people saying you're going to fall off this and that. I told one of the guys today he'd have to give me a back massage at some point. I even said I'd brought a Baggie of massage oil and a mix tape.

The main purpose for writing that was so my mum flies into some mad panic about my health and calls the RCMP. I'm running a sweepstake on how long it will be before they knock on my door and your time starts...now!

Some other highlights:

- Almost every person who reads the blog in the UK will have been completely baffled by the last entry. To explain; it was something that relates to most of the people I know in Canada. You know when you can't tell someone an in-joke because they won't know what it means? Kind of like that, but everyone has something.

- Saying "Oh snap!" is cool.

- I ordered a couple of drinks at Quiznos today and the cashier was very confused. You see, I've got to the stage where all of them know me and know the range I usually order from, so deviations from that cause questions. "Is that all? Are you sure?".

- Disaster at The Templeton. The waitress who we know and we thought gave us free drinks may not in fact be giving us free drinks. She just doesn't write them on the ticket. I was there this week and sure enough, no drinks on the ticket. But then closer inspection of the register receipt revealed the worst: Vanilla Coke. This could have been going on for months and we've never noticed.

- For the next two weeks I have a three day weekend. Awesome.

That's it. Oh, anyone want to buy a load of PS3 stuff? Got some good things on sale, stranger.

Something for everyone

- "Holy wow, man. This is not a door, it is a wall of lies and deceit."

- "How do you always ring during Coronation Street?"

- "OMG for realsies? That's awesome!"

- "Phwoar. I'm ready for pushback."

- "Regale and not regail? Bullshit, I'm looking it up."

- "I'm telling you man. Blood Bowl is shit."

- "I need some cheap bongos."

- "What will Colin Farrell talk about? 'This is shit, **** this!'."

- "I think I look like a boy."

Look, I don't know

Over the last few weeks several people have been asking me what my plan is when I get back to the UK. First of all, as you may have gathered I don't really like talking about going back so I've not thought about it too much. Secondly the honest answer is I don't have one. There are a few ideas I have but I am tempted to continue not having a plan and see what happens. I mean, I went to Canada without much of a plan and that turned out alright.

So in conclusion, I will end up doing something but I'm not sure what it is yet. Actually that's not true, I plan to watch the World Cup. Tainted by the sadness that is the absence of David Beckham.

And so onto the highlights:

- I must say prices in a foreign language. There's not other explaining having to repeat myself so regularly.

- I'm getting closer to selling some of my stuff. Space considerations are becoming more paramount in my mind. I've already got to think of a way to get my night vision goggles home. And I really want that God of War 3 Ultimate Edition.

- I realised the other day I haven't had a steak since I came out here. This must and will be rectified in the next week.

- After living in the same building for nearly 8 months I finally ventured out into the garden on the 11th floor. And that was because James & Ellen suggested it. Fair play, it was quite nice.

- Quiznos have a new menu, including the stuff I buy being lower in price. When does this ever happen in the UK?

I'm all screwed up this week since my days off are different. I'm not sure I like it, but it's a change. Everything's changing; up is white, black is left. Stop the world, I want to get off!

The photo the blog has been waiting for

I told you I met Batman. I know Greg looks altogether more into it than me, but I decided to go with the chilled look. Like I meet him all the time. Hey, if I bump into Bruce Wayne I don't want him to think I wouldn't be cool around him.

- Myself and the Gregster actually went on the zipline today. Apparently it's back for the Paralympics and that's fine with me, we only queued for just over an hour. Then after zipping across Robson Square and de-rigging, turning to each other and saying "Food?". "Yeah". "McDonald's?". "Yeah".

- James and Ellen leave for the UK tomorrow having experienced everything Vancouver has to offer. In fact I'm surprised it's taken them this long, I would have run out of things to do after about 4 days. They even went to Richmond, I'm still trying to work that one out.

- Café Crêpe is a great place to go for cheap beer. Who would have thought it?

- I might crack open the Slurm this weekend. It's about time I got to taste the highly addictive goodness. ISN'T THAT RIGHT DAD?

- On another McDonald's-related note, they're currently giving away free coffee. This is why I've ingested more premium roast in the last 48 hours than I have in the last 28 years. It's currently just coming up to midnight and I'm seriously thinking of heading down for another one.

 So as Charlie Brooker would say that's The Week in Bullshit. You'll be pleased to know I've barely played any video games in the last fortnight. But since I have sod all to do now and some free coffee to obtain, that temporary abstention is about to come to an end.

Was that really 9 days off?

Jesus that went quickly. I don't care what anyone says, time does go faster when you're doing stuff.

Vancouver gained a couple of English people on Monday as James & Ellen arrived for their Canadian holiday. Luckily I was at the airport to meet them with a sign mocking them, and luckily they also had a sign taking the piss out of me. Just like old times. So the past week has been spent showing them the sights, sounds and smells of British Columbia. Including (but not limited to):

- Lighthouse Park, the place myself and Greg went to very early on in our Canadian adventure.

- Taking photos of orange cones.

- Visiting as many shopping malls as possible. Current count = 4.

- Finding out Science World is closed.

- Not finding any wildlife. I promise you Balaams, Canadian wild animals do exist.

- Counting how many times I swear at my phone on any given day.

- Cheesy bread (told you there were smells).

Obviously we met up with the Team Family for some English drinking action in the bar that's never busy. Seriously, we went in during the Olympics and there were still a few tables free. Also of note were the relatively unsuccessful attempts to share embarrassing stories about me. Apart from the one about me coming to work with an imprint of a heart on my face, that one is true.

And I was right, that post below about looking back with envy about the me of last week with all that time off in front of him. DAMN YOU FEBRUARY 26TH JP.