Is it over already?

Another Christmas comes and goes. This one different to the rest of course, because I'm in another country. Duh.

It was relatively uneventful I have to say, but here's some things that didn't happen:

- Having one present left underneath the tree with no name tag. "Who's this for? Who's it from?" And anyway it's always a tin of Roses for the whole family.

- Having a tree. Erm, yeah. If it's any consolation we piled the presents in the corner where the tree would have been.

- Usual Christmas TV. I don't think I saw anything on the Canadian stations that was remotely Christmassy. Then again, Christmassy in the UK these days means Ant & Dec so you can keep them.

And then there were some things that did happen:

- Fighting a battle all bloody afternoon with the smoke alarm. I was ready to tear it off the ceiling at one point. I've said it before though, my kitchen is not designed for cooking. Only heating.

- Jingle All The Way. It's still as good as it was all those years ago. How Arnold has never been nominated for an Oscar in his entire career I'll never know.

- Having good food. Well eventually. It turns out that some Canadian ovens set their temperature in Fahrenheit and not Celsius. So when the food has been in for an hour and still hasn't cooked it's because 220F is not hot enough to cook a beef joint. Once again Greg cooked up some excellent food and showed why he works in a kitchen and I sell games to teenagers.

It was also a time to think about those less fortunate than yourself. By that I primarily mean Rosie, Greg and Piers who were unlucky enough to share Christmas with the grumpiest bastard in Vancouver. I actually took a knife to a balloon at one point. I blame retail, it's beaten the festive season out of me over the course of five years. Then again anything that wakes me up before midday on my day off usually makes me apoplectic with rage.

A Festivus for the rest of us

I didn't get the Festivus pole in the end. I could have, but at the end of the holidays I would have ended up with a 6 foot aluminium pole and no crawl space to put it in. Plus it's $40 that could be better spent on other things. And by 'other things' I mean 'games'.

It's getting pretty busy at work as expected, but this is still my best retail Christmas by far. I'm only working on the 23rd (that's right, infringing on my right to celebrate new holidays) and then I'm off for the next 2 days. Since there are a few of us English people we're spending Christmas at my place. Should be good, you'll be happy to know I picked up Jingle All The Way on DVD last week. I would have got it on Blu Ray but it's region coded. Shame.

- Greg came out with a classic when we were out shopping. He saw how much I was spending on a Christmas gift for someone and looked incredulously at me, repeating the amount in a shocked tone. I looked at him and said in a smug fashion "Yeah, that's right. You're going to feel guilty about what you got me." He sighed and said "You're the only person I know who would use Christmas to be vindictive".

- Someone in my family thinks there might actually be something going on between Greg and I. This is great. I've been looking for something to wind them up for years and I might have finally cracked it.

- "This game is in English right?". Seriously?

- Avatar was fairly decent. It's not the most amazing film that you'll ever see like some people seem to be saying, to be honest the plot is fairly predictable stuff and I didn't really feel any empathy with the main characters to care what happened to them. But it was better than 2012.

So Happy Festivus everyone. I'm off for the Airing of Grievances.

The numbers game

6 months. 6 bloody months. I cannot believe I've been here for half a year already. On the one hand it's gone so quickly, but on the other it seems like so long ago I was taking my first tentative steps onto the bus from the airport to downtown Vancouver.

In honour of this milestone I thought I'd do a few numbers that might be in some way interesting. So here goes:

200 - Unique visitors to the blog. Well at least since I started tracking the stats in mid-August. Who the hell are all these people? I don't even know 200 people, Facebook tells me I don't. 12 countries represented as well.

781 - The number of emails in my inbox. Don't be fooled, 90% of those are from Facebook. That makes me feel sad.

49 - days since Rosie was asked to write the blog entry. Apparently not asking her to do things means she gets them done. Hasn't worked for the last 2 weeks.

5 (conservative estimate) - people who think there was something going on between me and Rosie. There wasn't. Sorry.

172 - people who think there's something going on between me and Greg. There is. Sorry.

4 - people who've offered to marry me so I can stay in the country. I think one of them was even fairly serious.

34307 (conservative estimate) - people who have thought I'm Australian. Someone in the shop asked me the other day "Are you Australian?" To which I replied "No, English". She then said "Ohhh, that's better".

18 - games bought since I arrived, 3 per month. I have a problem.

16 - amount in dollars for the first round of drinks. Lesson learnt = don't buy imported beer.

25 (estimate) - times Greg has told me "You're a bad man".

10 - number of points Liverpool are behind United. HA. Sorry Piers.

700 (estimate) - dollars I've spent on lunch whilst working. That's ridiculous. I blame Quiznos and their delicious subs. In fact I want one now.

0 - number of times I've regretted coming to Canada.

Here's to the next 6 months. Unless the marriage thing pans out. I'll let you know.

4 hours that took

Want to know what Greg and I did with our Saturday afternoon?



Yep, 4 hours it took to edit. My lappy nearly went into meltdown on several occasions. In fact so did I. But I think it turned out OK, apart from the fact the quality seems awful on YouTube. For those Canadians who don't know, the opening theme is from a British TV show called Ski Sunday that used to be on years ago on...err...Sundays. Props to Greg for the camera work again.

So the remaining highlights of the week:

- All Canadians can ice skate. It's like they're born with them attached to their ankles or something. My experience of ice rinks is 50% of people clinging to the side for dear life (myself included) while 25% wander gingerly onto the ice with their arms flailing. The other 25% know what they're doing. The percentages here are slightly different. 100% people knew what they were doing until I stepped out onto the ice and brought down the percentage. I even got overtaken by a kid who can't have been older than 5. Having said all that though it was actually quite fun once I'd got a little used to it.

- Some joker let off a can of pepper spray in the mall last week. We wondered what was going on when everyone in the vicinity of the shop across from us came flooding out with their eyes watering and coughing like there's no tomorrow. I was hoping for something interesting like an onion bomb but it turned out to be pepper spray. Pretty rancid stuff as well, I was coughing just walking past on the way from the food court.

- It's bloody cold. Freezing. It started snowing today as well but it hasn't settled. But it's not Christmas yet, I haven't seen the commercial with the Coca-Cola trucks on the TV yet.

Hard to believe this will be my 28th Christmas. The great shame is that Jingle All The Way has only been around for 14 of them.

They shoot snowboarders, don't they?

It's been several years since I did any kind of skiing, over a decade in fact. So it was good to try some snowboarding and hit the slopes at the weekend. And hit the slopes I did. Several times. Very hard. But more on the injuries later...

To give a bit of background the company who looks after holiday visa people like us were arranging a trip to Mount Seymour for an introductory lesson and a day snowboarding. Greg got very excited about this and coerced me into signing up. Well we would have if I'd have got down there in time. In my defence they changed the deadline. Anyway we were able to arrange it ourselves so a few days later we were booked in for a 10 o'clock lesson. This meant getting up early.

Those of you who know me best will know I am not a morning person. Regardless of the plan for that day; going to the moon, playing football with movie stars, eating at Pizza Express (we're talking crème de la crème); I will not want to get up to do it. So it was with, shall we say, some reluctance that I got up at 6.30 on Saturday morning and donned the quite ridiculous level of clothing required to fall on my arse all day up a mountain. I arrived at Greg's place suitably grumpy and full of suggestions to pack it in and go back to bed.

Thanks to the early morning roads and Vancouver's frankly excellent public transport system we were 1000 metres higher and only $7 poorer less than 2 hours later. I, of course, moaned the whole way there. Seriously, how Greg didn't manage to smash my face in I'll never know. The views from the peak were fantastic, which I guess leads nicely into the photos.

Downtown Vancouver from the top of Mount Seymour. You can make out one of the stadiums and what I'm guessing is Cambie Bridge.

Surveying the vista. I like this one because firstly I'm not on the snowboard and secondly you can't see my face.

Greg man. I don't think he likes the ski suit he bought but I thought it was alright. We also had major concerns about the bottoms not being able to fit in the boots. These concerns turned out to be complete rubbish.

Hmm. The words 'Bambi on ice' spring to mind. If it looks like I'm not moving, it's because I'm not.

This photo is mainly for me so I can use it as a point of reference. Something actually was worth getting up that early for. Someone write down the date and time.

We both picked up the basics fairly quickly and did OK for our first time, at least I think so. We had the obvious falls but all in all it was pretty good, we both enjoyed it until our battered and beaten bodies couldn't take getting on that bloody rope to get to the top of the slope again. So much so I think I might be heading back this weekend.

Good times. Props to Greg for bringing, losing and subsequently finding his camera. I imagine we would have more photos but it's a bit like taking your camera to a football match, it's just not done.

Injury list

- Bruised coccyx

- Pain in both arms

- 2 bruised knees

- Left wrist doesn't quite work

Happy with that list, could have been a lot worse. Although that bruised coccyx is a real pain in the ass. Ha ha ha! No sorry, that one was bad. Even for me.

Would the World's Greatest Detective approve?

This should be the first of a double blog post extravaganza. I was hoping a certain person would write up the birthday entry but now it looks like I'll have to write it myself. To be fair though Rosie's been ill this week so I'll refrain from laying it on too thick.

So what better way to continue than letting the pictures do most of the talking.

The Batcake. More top work from the resident chef Greg, even including bananas in this one. For some reason I've gained a reputation for saying 'lulz'. I have no idea on this one. lulz

One of my presents was a bear from the dollar store. For some reason we decided he had one too many legs and removed one for him. Ever wanted to know what bears are filled with? Wonder no more.

I feel sorry for that poor thing. I tried to find one of him intact but they weren't any. So here's one of him inside-out.

Erm, yeah. Less said about this one the better.

See, this is why the blog isn't getting written. I thought that thing at the bottom was a slice of pizza with a face.

After the cake eating and bear ripping we headed out to a bar in Gastown for a drink. And sadly it was just the one since two thirds of us had work early in the morning. But the bar we chose just happened to be the Vancouver Man Utd Supporter's Club. Result.

Other than that it's been a busy week, topped off with snowboarding on Saturday. I'll do a separate post for that one, but suffice to say it was pretty good. lulz

(21 x 8) ÷ 6

I can't believe it's been over 5 months and that was the first lolcat on the blog. At least I think it is. Either way it's a smug cat wearing a crown so it's staying.

As I've mentioned before and most of you already know I'm not the birthday celebrating type so today will be fairly low key. Partly because I'm working today and early the next day, but having said that I'm sure there will be a certain level of shenanigans. Greg's kitchen has become the de facto birthday celebration den so it'll be off there after work for some pizza and cake. And maybe, just maybe, good times.

Other than that the previous week has involved heading to some bars in East Hastings. You know East Hastings, the only part of Vancouver you're supposed to avoid. But actually it was fine and we had about 3 pitchers, a pizza and some nachos for about $20 each. I also had one of those moments the day after where I wasn't sure what I'd dreamt and what had really happened. Not because of alcohol you understand, just because it seems my life has got to the point where I have trouble distinguishing reality from talking geckos. No wait that is real...sort of.

I believe there were some good photos on Rosie's camera from last week. I told her all I wanted for my birthday was for her to write the blog, so if emotional blackmail doesn't work I'm not sure what to try next. Anyway blackmail is such an ugly word; I prefer extortion. The X makes it sound cool.

Stop raining. It's not funny anymore

I don't really mind rain to be honest, but when it happens every single day for a fortnight it can get a little...tiresome. And here's something that will please Homer no end; I bought an umbrella. Don't get excited though dad, it cost me $6 from Chinatown, and I'm not sure but I think I may have already broken it. This is why I don't buy umbrellas. I don't trust them.

- Greg and I discovered Army & Navy right on the end of East Hastings (on Rosie's recommendation). This shops sells everything and if you can believe it, reminds me of a lower class Wilkinson's. Example: Greg was looking at shoes priced at $11. He wisely decided against it since they appeared to be made of some kind of cardboard. We also found a pair without insoles.

- I played Rock Band for the first time. It was alright I guess, but then I won't be saying that when the video Rosie took gets uploaded to Facebook. I also learnt that when the neighbours start banging on the ceiling, it's time to stop.

- Tinseltown mall is like some sort of pseudo-realistic world where shops go to die. One shop was closed at 3.30pm on Saturday. If you're closed then, when are you open? The cinema also cannot be trusted when it comes to movie times.

- I can honestly say that Friday night was the first time I've found myself ordering a dessert in the middle of a drinking session. Pecan pie + mojito = nice.

Also debating whether or not to go snowboarding next weekend. I know I should and I probably will but I'd have to buy ski pants. I usually delay buying new clothes until my current ones are physically disintegrating. Or it's a football shirt. Then it's different.

Why can't the Scotiabank theatre have an Unlimited Card?

The thing about living above a cinema is you tend to watch a lot of films. I don't mean surreptitiously, I'm not hanging on a trapeze from the balcony trying to follow the plot of Twilight. Then again I couldn't do that if I was actually in the theatre watching it. But it's just an easy and accessible form of entertainment to take the lift downstairs and catch a film. And they have something called Telus Tuesdays which basically means a cheaper ticket, free popcorn and a free drink. And since this isn't the UK the popcorn size is what you could describe as generous. The drink is huge as well, in fact so huge we saw a kid literally sprinting out halfway through the film yesterday. When you gotta go you gotta go.

2012 was alright. It was basically every disaster movie wrapped up into one. Obviously the visual effects were great but no one remembers them when they're good, only when they're very bad (Kingdom of the Crystal Skull anyone?). So on a scale of 1-10 I'd give it a 6.2537.

In other news we were in our regular eatery yesterday and everything was fine. Cheap pitchers, giant plate of fries, decent conversation. And then we saw a rat. A rat. He was huge, like a mutant badger. Of course I'm sure I've eaten in places with rats before, probably a lot worse, but you don't want to see one scampering around the place while you're enjoying a cream ale. He looked alright as rats go I suppose. So I hate to say it but I'm having second thoughts about the place. I mean I'm sure I'll eat there again but I'll never look at it the same way again. The best thing about all this is I took my parents there, twice. And they paid. Ha ha ha!

Another photoless update? How boring

Well I'm working on it. We got some fairly decent snaps earlier in the week so as soon as they're up I'll get the edited highlights.

On Friday myself, Piers and Rosie headed on foot across the bridge to North Vancouver. Partially because none of us had anything better to do but also because I wanted to get some stuff from the greatest shop of them all - Wal Mart. So 2 freezing cold hours later we made it. Sadly they didn't seem to want to carry jeans in any size other than XXXXXXXL so I'll have to wait another day. On the plus side Piers picked up some Animal Crackers and something else I can't remember. I think it had bears in it.

So aside from a few drinks and a few movies (2 good, 1 pretty bad) that's pretty much it. Busy week at work as predicted and probably more of the same next week. Onto the other highlights:

- Eating food in public can be embarrassing

- Not sure if I've mentioned this already, but there's a cat that lives in a florist downtown. He's got his basket in the shop and everything. A couple of weeks ago we walked past and he started rubbing up and pawing against the glass.

- Buying night vision goggles seems to cause endless amounts of confusion and even disgust

- Apparently Fruit Loops are some kind of food of the devil. What's wrong with liking a little bit of sweetness in your breakfast cereal? Also one Fruit Loop is a 'cereal' and a bowl of them would be 'cereals'.

I've been press ganging Rosie to write the blog entry but no luck just yet. She's complaining that she has nothing to write about but then neither do I. In fact where was I going with this?

The guest entry is coming, I promise

I've informed Rosie that she was the chosen one and has to think of exciting and interesting things to say and get them down on paper. As for when, well your guess is as good as mine but I reckon if a mate told me I'd have to write something for their blog I'd think it was great and then forget almost immediately. Don't worry, you'll be the first to know.

So moving onto the highlights:

- I'm not Australian.

- Apparently my Nathan Barley costume also reminded some people of Dennis Rodman. Good thing I can dunk (doughnuts)

- I found someone I envy at The Templeton. For those of you that don't know The Templeton is our usual food place, I probably go there once or twice a week and I'd say we're not unknown to the staff (one gives us free drinks). But I saw a guy in there tonight who came in and sat down without checking the menu. The waitress knew his name and said "The usual?". We have some way to go.

- Seriously, I'm not Australian.

- Paranormal Activity is a bad film. It's like all the internet scare clips put together in 90 minute marathon. But it was free popcorn night so I ate popcorn and drank Coke until my pores wept sugar.

- It seems people really like cats. 9 votes and only one that was for dogs. The right kind of people are reading the blog.

So yeah another crazy week in happyland. Next week is going to be a total nightmare because Call of Duty is out and I have to be in work for stupid o'clock on release day. Still on the plus side, I get to buy a pair of night vision goggles I'll never, ever use.

Who are you supposed to be?

Another holiday that I've never really had any interest previously came around at the weekend and of course I'm talking about Halloween. Since it's not very big in the UK and I never went trick or treating (in fact I don't even remember any other kids knocking on our door) this was my first taste of it North American-style. And it was good, although the drinks on the Friday night previous meant neither myself nor Greg really felt like having a big one. Nevertheless we suited and booted ourselves (well...kinda) and hit downtown. And true to the poll result on here a few weeks ago I did make an effort to dress as Nathan Barley. I went for the 'Geek Pie' Nathan, not easy since I don't have long hair, but I think I can honestly say I was the best dressed Nathan Barley in the whole of Vancouver.

Gold jacket (ladies) and glasses courtesy of rip off costume shop on Robson. I can't believe how much those bloody glasses cost me. Pose also thanks to Rosie's advice "Try and look like a wanker". Way ahead of you.

Greg with an excellent rendition of Ash from Evil Dead. I also helped to make the chainsaw. Well when I say 'helped' I mean 'sat in his kitchen making unhelpful comments'.

Rosie & Greg, with Rosie as a Zombie Pirate. I should point out she was working that night and we headed down to Score to sample the cuisine and the service. I can honestly say that when I've ordered another round I've never had the waitress say "Good"

Greg was having trouble with his boomstick all night. He knocked over a gravestone with it in the Beaver. Fair play, someone did ask him for his photo though "Bruce. Bruce! Mr Campbell! Over here!"

Now THAT'S a costume. Sadly I wasn't there to witness this one (all photos courtesy of Greg) but you can just tell from the picture how good that is.

After Score we headed down to Granville for a couple and to check out the costumes. We spied a rather depressed looking Robin in Speakeasy's (seriously, who goes dressed as Robin with no Batman?) and an excellent iPod guy. Sluttiest costumes had to be in the Beaver/Samesun Hostel. In fact that whole place was a den of inequity, I saw Superman smoking. Good thing Bruce Wayne wasn't there or he'd have kicked his ass into next week. In fact come to think of it I don't remember seeing any Batman costumes.

So like I say it was fairly low key. Friday night was spent having a few drinks with Piers whilst Greg and Rosie saw Evil Dead the musical (where does Greg get his costume ideas from?). Another trip to the Furniture Warehouse as well, and before you ask that's actually a bar. And it's great, all food under $5 and cheap beer. It's good food as well, although saying you had a great time at the Furniture Warehouse still sounds weird. And finally, on a completely unrelated note:

FOR SALE: ladies' gold jacket. Worn once, mocked several times. Size: (way too) small. May contain small traces of green hair spray. One careful owner. Ask about matching sunglasses. Contact via Sugar Ape.

Looks like the randomer will have to wait

So it looks like Rosie will be invited to write a guest blog entry. Although I'm still intrigued by those who voted for a random, who was it you wanted? A policeman? An ice cream seller? Leonard Cohen? Well I guess whoever it would have been will have to wait. Not that it matters to me I suppose, I didn't even vote in the end. So I'll consult with the aspiring writer and get back to you.

A friend from work in Cambridge is staying in Vancouver at the moment, doing a similar thing to myself, so it's good to see a familiar face. As we said though it was pretty weird, two people from the same company in southern England meeting for lunch in a food court in Vancouver. He's a Liverpool fan but nobody's perfect.

Not a great deal to report since the Friday night's exploits. Cat guy came in a the shop again, even one of the customers was being careful not to scare the cat. "It's OK, she trained herself to do this". Fair enough, but I still can't help wondering why? You'll also be pleased to know I successfully quelled an urge to buy an Xbox 360. It's bad enough having both a PS3 and a 360 at home, let alone here.

And this is serious - Vancouver Public Library is awesome. I joined last week and the amount of stuff you can borrow for free is amazing. Tons of DVDs, obviously books and Greg told me they have games somewhere. I somehow found Hotel Babylon, how did a relatively obscure BBC series make it across here? But you name it they have it; Monty Python, The Outer Limits, I even spied 'Allo 'Allo, how random is that? And all for free. Even the crappy Ipswich library charges about 3 quid to borrow DVDs. Maybe I'm just a library novice and this is normal.

Mum and Dad return from Vancouver Island tomorrow and all is set for an emotional farewell at the airport as they head home on Friday. Emotional for them because they won't see their son for another few months and emotional for me because I'll have to start paying for my own meals again. In fact - remind me to get mother to repair the hole in my trousers before they leave.

What is a grouse anyway?

So the original plan for this weekend was to head up Grouse Mountain and get some decent photos of the surrounding area. Unfortunately some issues arose on Friday night involving pitchers of Molson Canadian and late night pizza; long story short it didn't happen. Which is disappointing but I'm sure it's only a postponement, after all the mountain isn't going anywhere.

But speaking of drunken shenanigans it was Rosie's 21st last week and we at least did get some photos of that.

The cake hand-crafted by Greg, note the colour-blind test arrangement of gummi bears and maltesers. Also pictured is the card hand-purchased by me. It said something inside about getting Hasselhoffed; I've no idea what that means but I like the sound of it.

The birthday girl. I remember saying at the time the lighter and the big knife made for a great photo but now I'm not sure why. Pictured party blower was also effective as a candle extinguisher.

 

 Party IS fun. Thank you dollar store party favours.

 

Rosie suggested Greg and I pose as a couple in the vegetarian restaurant we ate at. To be honest it looks like Greg is thinking "Get your arm off me crappy beard man".

And I may or may not have been sleepy at some point. In fact come to think of it I don't even think this was the same night.

So in conclusion: good times. Also the last chance to vote on the poll. Whoever has been voting for a random is pretty optimistic I reckon, although they wouldn't be hard to find I don't think it would make for a very entertaining blog post. But then again that would mean it would fit in well. ZING

Warning: parental discretion is advised

So mum and dad negotiated the Atlantic and are currently staying in a hotel about 15 minutes away. It's been a good couple of days, nice to get some time to do the random touristy stuff that I haven't actually done myself yet. I haven't felt like a tourist since the first couple of weeks of being here. Speaking of which, today also reminded me how good the weather was back then. As we walked down Granville it seemed strange explaining why one hostel was better than another because it had air conditioning, but at the time it was freaking amazing.

So besides that a few things have been learnt over the last week:

- Your parents will always embarrass you at some point. In this instance it was spilling orange juice over me when we went for a meal with Greg and Rosie

- Two bottles of Bacardi make an excellent present

- Some people don't like it when you call them a sex pest

- Stuff costs less outside of Vancouver. I never even thought about it before but just browsing shops in Burnaby showed the premium you pay for living in the big city

Fair play to mater and pater though, they came through with my United shirt and memory stick. On to Lynn Canyon tomorrow, so hopefully the weather stays nice and we can enjoy the mountain scenery.

My sister pointed out to me that not everyone knows the results of the poll since they disappear when I make a new one. If I had any idea about how to get last week's to show below the new one I'd do it, but since I really have no clue what I'm doing I can't. So suffice to say Christmas seems to be the favourite holiday for this time of year. When I saw one vote for Festivus I got excited thinking someone else knew about it, until I realised it was me that voted for it.

So onto this week's poll. I may regret this one, but feel free to vote for who you'd like to write a guest entry. To be honest I probably will have veto on what does or does not get posted but since I'm not aware of anything I've done so far that would cause massive embarrassment it should be fair game.

OK sometimes Canadian commercials aren't bad

Canadian Thanksgiving: brought to you by Burger King

I did make it over to North Vancouver, twice in fact. Once to realise I'd forgotten my camera and the second time to find the shop I was going to was closed. So I've had more successful trips but then I did at least get some photos on the latter.

The southern entrance to Lions Gate bridge

A seaplane casually climbing from a takeoff that can't have been far away from that massive container ship

 A view of the north ridge

 

Well they couldn't help me. The guy had no idea where to get Slurm

I like they way this sign company added 'unfortunately', just to make sure everyone knows they wish there was

And so Canadian Thanksgiving closed with a deal of the day at Burger King. Not that I have a problem with that, those of you that know me will be aware of my general aversion to seasonal holidays and I'm even less inclined when I have no idea what they're about. I should learn, but then is everyone else who sits down to a turkey dinner thinking about the origins of the holiday, or the inevitable slump in front of the television wishing they hadn't had that extra slice of blueberry pie?

Having said that I should probably stop eating junk food. Maybe.

Hanukkah Zombie's having a luau at the B'nai B'rith! You coming?

Been a week since the last entry it seems. You might think is because it's been way too busy and interesting to spend time writing for a blog that no-one reads. Since that is blatently and hilariously not true I might as well run through the highlights from the last week.

- I saw them taking the Christmas decorations out of storage in the mall yesterday. Sadly I didn't have any matches or lighter fluid so the towering inferno of cheap plastic and distracting tinsel will have to wait. And at the start of October? Really?

- Some people still think I'm Australian. I wouldn't mind but when they are actually English or Australian that kind of makes me wonder what the hell people sound like where they come from. I don't remember leaving the Wetherspoons in Ipswich and thinking the bloke that served me was from Adelaide (the city where Neighbours characters go to die).

- Someone described the photo on their ID as 'my face if I was just about to stab you'. I like it, I might steal that. Especially since my Driving Licence photo looks like something from Crimetime.

- Wendy's desserts are not quite as good as a McFlurry. Just a warning. Also that's the restaurant chain called Wendy's, not an actual Wendy. Unless the person that served me was called Wendy. I doubt it though, he didn't look like one.

- I have a feeling my new trainers make me look like a chav. How did this happen? They should put warning labels on these things.

So that's it. A few drinks here and there, a few brownies, a few meals at The Templeton. My friends still insisting they meet my parents when they visit next week. I told the parental units about this and my dad said "You know why, it's because he's told them all these stupid stories about us and they want to meet these weird people". And I said "Yes".

Now I'm really going to try and get up early on Saturday so I can go to North Van and get some photos from Lion's Gate bridge. Plus I've had a tip off about a PS1 Street Fighter controller in a thrift store over there so there's some motivation. No wait, that last sentence made me feel sad.

I already said I'd shut up about Batman. Sheesh!

OK I get the message. I'll leave it for now. But if I buy that Batsuit I'll tell you. This also means I've had to think of a new poll. I know mum and dad read this as well so I think it'll send them over the edge. Come on mother, let's take a joke!

So I know I promised photos but it's been raining today and I got up late so I haven't got anything exciting to show. Not that the photos I would have taken would have been exciting. Anyway you're not the boss of me. If I want to get up at lunchtime and eat Frosted Mini Wheats at 2pm I will.

And now onto what has become a recurring theme, the highlights (humming Match of the Day 2's music probably won't help though):

- Someone got quite literally taken down by some undercover police just outside the store. I was just heading onto the shop floor from the back when suddenly a couple of plain clothes were all over this guy who looked like he was on the way in to our place. Quite funny how everyone stopped to check out what was going on and as soon as he was lead away just carried on as if nothing had happened.

- Toy Story 1 & 2. 3D. Scotiabank Theatre. Saturday. Oh yes.

- Sometimes nice people from other shops in the mall come round with discount coupons. So far I've had buy one get one free coffees, been offered free muffins, nearly won tickets to a Vancouver Whitecaps game (and by 'nearly won', I mean lost) and got 25% off a sports place. Which is good when you need new trainers because your only pair have a hole in them from when you tripped over the chairs in the TV room in the hostel. I was trying to get away from Confessions of a Shopaholic, if anything I should have been rewarded.

You see? You see what commercials we have to put up with?

Give me strength.

This will be the last thing about Batman, OK?

So my weekend comes to an end. Friday and Saturday were my days off this week and I can say I did almost nothing with the two days. Having said that Greg cooked myself and Rosie an awesome curry on Thursday even though we were half an hour late getting to his house. And before you two say anything, yes I did enjoy it, but I'm not becoming a vegetarian any time soon. I'm sorry. Well actually I'm not sorry since bacon tastes like heaven in meat form. So without further ado let's roll on the highlights:

- Neither myself nor Greg will be called on for agony uncle services any time soon. That's my prediction anyway.

- Tim Burton's Batman was great on the big screen. The crowd came replete with costumed fans; I counted two Harley Quinns, one Catwoman and a Poison Ivy. I also ate my own bodyweight in popcorn. Good times.

- Wolverine is a bad film. A bad film.

- The only way to watch Match of the Day in Canada is to get your parents to point their webcam at the TV. Halfway through I realised it was being pointed at the smallest TV in the house though.

So yeah all go in Vancouver. I realised it's been a while since I saw any wildlife so I might head to Stanley Park before it gets too cold. And I promise the next update with have photos. I know how all 4 of you appreciate a nice photo.

As if I was ever going to go as a Moomin

Fat chance. Luckily sense has prevailed. All I need now is to work out how to get a Geek Pie haircut and a couple of Bluetooth headsets. Of course pictoral evidence will be provided when the time comes, assuming I even remember it's Halloween.

I'm sure I started writing this with some intent but right now I'm fairly certain it's just out of pure boredom. So let's skip to the highlights:

- Myself and Greg deciding the characters from McDonaldland are a bizarre group. One is just a burger with arms (Mayor McCheese) and in the words of Greg, Grimace (the purple one) is "like something from a post-apocalyptic Sesame Street"

- The cinema on Granville is showing Tim Burton's Batman on Friday, $10 which includes popcorn and a drink. I don't care what you think, THAT'S exciting

- PS3s look like arse when you play them through a composite lead

- Every week it gets harder to think of something to do for the poll. So this week I've given up. It's up to you

I bought a PS3. Big whoop, wanna fight about it?

Don't worry, it's all part of a plan. Throughout the year I surround myself with needless and expensive items, then at the end of my visa I sell them to fund some exciting travel adventures. Or a Batman suit. I haven't decided yet. There's pros and cons.

Nothing much else to report to be honest. I discovered hockey (ice hockey to the folks back home) is pretty popular in Vancouver. Like really popular. Way more than I'd anticipated and probably in the same way North Americans experience football when visiting the UK. It's not really a sport I could ever harbour any strong feelings for to be honest, I don't see the appeal. Although I think I must be doing my bit to fit in when one person this week didn't realise I was English until I told them. Am I really developing a Canadian accent? Personally I had no idea I was, in fact I strongly doubt I am, but say the word 'bucks' and try to sound English. I dare you.

Difficult to believe it's been over 3 months now since I left a sunny Heathrow with very little sleep and a couple of bags. Of course this also means I have less than 9 months left and I have a feeling that time will pass pretty quickly. So in the spirit of awful predictions (sponsored by Tomorrow's World) here are some things I reckon might happen between now and next June:

- I'll come to hate the Winter Olympics. Yeah they look great and everything and the city is clearly getting a facelift but working in retail means it'll be a nightmare from start to finish. Thank God in total it's on for less than 4 weeks.

- The first time I play football will end with me wheezing and comatose on the sidelines, listening to my teammates shout "I thought the English invented the game?"

- The blog will be full of entries moaning about the Canadian winter and how much I hate the way grit attachs itself to my trousers and shoes

- I'll still have no Slurm

- I'll consider training myself to be a tiler or plasterer to stay in the country

Wow reading that back it all seems a bit miserable doesn't it? I think this is what's know in the trade as 'anti-jinxing'. And being miserable is cool these days, just look at Charlie Brooker or Yahtzee's Zero Punctuation reviews.

Jesus Christ my phone camera is rubbish

It's not even my Canadian phone (Samsung Chump 200) and it's pants. Not wholly surprising given that the lense is about 2mm wide, but still I expected better.

So as a prelude I decided to make a bit of use of my day off today and took some photos of downtown from various bridges and points of vantage. Well when I say made use of my day what I really mean is I happened to have my phone on me while Rosie and I went over to the southern mainland to go to a costume shop. And even then we didn't make it in time, but still one Wendy's meal later I was a few photos richer.

Looking down from Granville St to the apartments and gardens of Beach Crescent.

The many apartment blocks of downtown. The tall centre building is the Sheraton Wall Centre. My building is basically behind that.

 

The police impound! Probably the only one in the world with a view of 2 stadiums and several mountains.

 

To the left is the casino, and the ball-shaped object is the Telus Science Centre. The large apartment complex on the right is the start of the 2010 Olympic village.

 

BC place from the Cambie St Bridge. The realtor's ad for the apartment block on the right has several listings for the discerning millionaire.

I also took one at night but I'm not even going to bother with that one. Imagine if you turned on half a dozen torches and threw them randomly into your garden at 11pm and took a non-flash photo of the result. That's basically how it looks.

This update is brought to you by diabetic coma-inducing snacks

I never really considered myself immune to strange happenings; I like to think I can at least have a half-decent story out them. But when we saw a guy walking down Granville with his cat on his head (well, his baseball cap to be exact) I mentioned that he came in the shop and was not unknown the staff there. Instantly Greg said "Why didn't you mention this earlier??" and I'd genuinely forgotten there is a guy who takes his cat around on his head, the cat acting pretty casually throughout, when he is out and about. To be honest it is pretty strange but fair play to the guy, although I'd like to know how it was that he actually discovered this was something that the cat would tolerate and even appear to be happy to do.

Some other things I've learnt this week include:

- Telling Rosie that there is a skunk behind her when there isn't, is actually not funny. It also loses its shock value when she has read your blog mentioning you do this.

- You can make cakes similar to Rice Krispie Squares with Fruit Loops. Well I can't obviously, but other people can and they taste pretty good. Although eating more than one will probably make you almost instantly blind.

- Quizno's new menu is awesome

- Crazy ads will appear on the blog depending on what I've written.

The last one is pretty good, although I've mentioned Slurm a few times now and it still hasn't told me where I can buy some. I don't want to mention the ones I don't like or understand since that perpetuates the process. I might actually start treating it as a wishlist.

Free Beer in Vancouver, cheap Batman costumes, people who have heard of Nathan Barley, people who walk around with Wolverines on their heads. At least one of those has to land.

Damn immigrants. Wait what?

The BBC are reporting that fewer people are moving abroad since the start of the global recession. Well you know me, always one to buck the trend. One thing did stand out:

"Remittances - money sent by migrants to family members back home - were found to have declined."

What am I a bank or something? I can barely gather enough cash to live out my glamorous and exciting lifestyle as it is. The last thing I can afford to do is send money back home so my parents can get an all day breakfast at Morrison's twice a week. Unless the money I provide goes towards more Slurm. You thieves.

Roads? Where we're going we don't need...roads

A happy evening was spent by myself, Greg, Rosie and Chloe at Templeton's last night (although we didn't get free drinks this time, maybe the magic is wearing off?) and it was good to catch up after a week or so of not seeing each other. Well except for Greg, I pressed ganged him into heading over to the Best Buy on Cambie to nerd out at the TVs and laptops earlier in the day. We also had fun wandering around the smallest Toys R Us I've ever been in (read: not the size of an out-of-town MFI) until we realised that two grown men walking around the aisles mocking Hannah Montana bikes probably isn't cool.

After the meal we impulse-walked all 7 miles of Stanley Park's perimeter and once again enjoyed Downtown Vancouver's awesome night-time views. The conversation moved onto what we might do when the year in Canada eventually comes to an end. We both had a few ideas of what we might want to do and what we might end up doing but the consensus was that it's just too far ahead to plan. And moreso than that for me is that I don't want to plan for that far in the future. This time last year I would never have believed I'd be living and working in Canada so I want to preserve the mystery of 2010/11 for another few months at least. The most surprising and random adventures are always the best ones so we'll see what happens between now and next year.

There's only a one thing I can say for certain; I'll be back in England next June to see us lift the World Cup. Well I'll be back in England anyway.

GI Joe guy came back

For those that don't know a guy came in the shop a couple of times recently and started telling us about weapons that mankind have never seen, quoting GI Joe. Well he came back on Sunday (realised he only comes in Sundays, maybe it's his religion) and had some new material. I can't remember exactly what it was but it something about eyes and ears being everywhere and the advent of technology. And then as he went to leave he turned back and said "Thank God for strip clubs". I think I like this guy.

I actually managed to see The Final Destination and it was everything I thought it would be. Not as good as the first three, obviously they've got progressively worse but then sequels always do. But where else can you see someone taken out by a Nascar tyre in 3D? Nowhere, that's where. So in summary don't go unless you like crap films.

Spoke to my sisters last week and where Vickie was frantically trying to find a holiday to book for the next day. Fair enough but I had to remind her I was calling from Vancouver and didn't fancy listening to the tap of a keyboard and her reading out that a week in Disneyland Paris would cost 3 grand. And I don't mind naming and shaming since I was let down with promises of a United shirt signed by Ole Gunnar Solskjaer. Shirt = not delivered.

Nothing much else to report other than the fact you're probably only reading this because Gmail is down. Seems when that happens the whole internet shuts down, in fact I'm off to Wendy's to get some of their hot wings.

Seriously, someone lend me $3000 for that Batman costume

Last week I welcomed my first ever visitor to arrive at the blog via a search engine. And what where they searching for? 'Gay bingo Vancouver'. To be honest I think they probably left disappointed. On a more boring note I've edited the settings so anyone can leave comments now, so feel free to post hilarious and/or disparaging remarks.

Pretty stunning quote from Mad Phil (the conspiracy theorist) when Greg ran into him on Sunday morning. Although I wasn't there to witness it I'm told he was looking to obtain some passport photos and was displeased with the results. "I just looked a bit...mad". Good old Mad Phil. He's even starting to realise it himself. And then to cap it off he raised the question of whether Greg was 'still believing' the information fed to him by reputable news channels.

Hint to potential movie-goers; District 9 is alright but not great. I think the director may have found it useful to film some of the movie without a shaky cam so the audience can tell what the hell is going on. I wish I'd spent the money on The Final Destination instead but got put off by the fact it's only 81 minutes. But you know where you are with people being eaten by escalators.

And yeah this is an appeal to anyone with a spare couple of grand, on either side of the Atlantic, since that Batman costume isn't going to buy itself. It would be useful for the one fancy dress party I will go to all year. And if I decide to, you know, fight crime.

Slurms Mackenzie is spinning in his grave

So it's been a pretty stale few days, just going through the same work-sleep cycle that everyone else goes through. So the sparse highlights include:

- A friend of my boss having to go to hospital because a raccoon bit their head. The day before they were supposed to start their new job

- A guy trying to return a game for a refund. From 5 years ago. He even had the receipt

- Rosie eating all of her flatmate's food. Including the icing sugar, on it's own

- Seeing a kick ass Batman costume on eBay. Custom fitted to you and the guy only makes 10 per year since they're so difficult to make. Now all I need is $3000

Since we are all so skint Greg, myself and the girls and heading out for an evening walk tomorrow. Which sounds sad and to be honest it kind of is but the scenery is such that pretty much any walk around Vancouver is picturesque. Plus it means there's the opportunity to buy a large McFlurry (yep, two sizes over here. Imagine eating one out of small drink cup and you're nearly there) with enough sugar to bake 16 wedding cakes. I'm fairly sure one of the ingredients listed is 'diabetes'.

Also what's with you chumps voting yes in the poll?! Picture the scene - you find a can of Slurm, which you've never seen before, and buy it even though it cost you 2 quid. Bearing in mind Futurama is your favourite show ever, you plan to not only savour the drink but keep the can since you probably won't find another one. Meanwhile you travel to Canada (bearing in mind the expiration date is AFTER you return) and without naming names, a male relative decides to drink it. And throw away the can.

That's not cool man. Not cool.

The big differences

So I guess in the interest of fairness it's only right I should spend some time on the things that I really like about living in Canada. Now I know I said there would be loads, and of course there are, but there are definitely some that are more equal than others.

- Food. Seems trivial, but tell me that after a bowl of Fruit Loops. I shun the Frosties and Cokes of this world in favour of Captain Crunch and Cranberry Soda. The variety is amazing and just when you think you've discovered it all something else pops up. Except the cheese that comes in a squirty tube and looks like emulsion. They can keep that.

- People being happier. Bit of a cliché perhaps, but people generally are nicer here. I've mentioned this to Canadian people I've met and they seem to think they're pretty grumpy and I'll see that come winter. Maybe I will, but when customers are telling ME to have a good day you know it's different to the UK.

- Animals. Dogs, cats, squirrels; that's all you ever see in the UK. Here you have all those (as well as black squirrels) in addition to raccoons, skunks and seals. If I went up to the forest in North Vancouver there's a small chance I'd see a bear; and a small chance is a lot bigger than no chance. Today Rosie and I saw some unidentified black bird dive beneath the water for fish and he literally disappeared. I'm not even sure if he came back up for air, but it doesn't really compare to a Mallard shaking himself because some kid threw bread on his back.

- The price of stuff. OK cell phones, bank charges and drinks aside, a lot of stuff is cheap. I bought two huge bottles of soda today for about £1, even this lappy was about £50 cheaper than it would have been in the UK.

So there is other unimportant stuff like paying less tax and lower crime rates but no-one wants to hear about that. And I'm not trying to paint Vancouver as this wonderland where everything is awesome, in fact there are some pretty shady areas of town. But there seems to be a sense of community here as well, which is quite surprising for a town that has so much income from tourism. Now if only I could find some people in this community that are United fans...

The little differences

Since things have turned out well so far on the Canadian adventure, you might think I don't miss the UK at all. Which if true, would make for an exceptionally short and boring blog entry. So happily there are a few things I genuinely miss.

- Football. Obviously. They don't even really have soccertainment over here, and no disrespect to the Vancouver Whitecaps but they're not great. Even if their goalkeeper is called Jay Nolly

- Cheap drinks. No such thing as a Wetherspoon's over here so the cheapest drink I've had is $5. Most are about $6-10, it really puts you off going for a quiet one knowing you'll be $20 out of pocket after a couple. Plus the tips!

- TV without commercials. I even get them on the BBC website now because I log in from outside the UK. No such thing as iPlayer over here either so no Top Gear for me

- The ability to jaywalk. I mean I guess I could do it here, but since all the streets are 5 miles wide I don't think I could run across without having to stop for a break

- A credit/debit card. This I'm going to look into since my ATM card does basically nothing. What if I want to order a pizza online?

So hardly a ground-breaking trip-ruining list, but they're little things nonetheless. You may notice I've left family and friends off the list and that's for a couple of reasons; firstly it's pretty much a given. Of course when you move away it's different getting used to new people. And secondly I know it will wind up mum and dad when they see they're not first on the list.

Of course the other side of this will be in 10 months time when I'm back home and I come up with a list of things that I miss about Canada. In fact what is the word limit on a blog post?

Commercials for morons

Here's one thing I've noticed over the last few days that never happened in the UK. Commercials seem to have ridiculous warnings on them either not to attempt stuff or that what's happening in the commercial isn't real. Now I understand this could be providing a public service in some instances, but here's the examples that I've seen in the last 24 hours:

- A commercial showing a woman jumping upside down from about 3 stories into a dress being held out of a balcony so she won't get white marks from her deodorant. In small letters at the bottom, 'Dramatization. Do not attempt'

- A car being picked up by a large crane, like they have in car crushing yards. Then another car falling from the sky and landing where the other car was. In small letters at the bottom, 'Do not attempt'. Do not attempt what?? I like the notion that car companies feel we have heavy lifting equipment lying around in our back yards

- A trash can shown to be emitting an unpleasant smell with large green wavy lines of vapour inflitrating the whole house. These grow bigger and look like the things cartoonists draw to illustrate pies left on window sills that smell good. In small letters at the bottom, 'Dramatization'

I assume this occurs because at some point, somewhere, someone has sued some company because they're weren't germs the size of gremlins in their toilet bowls. This is it folks. This is the society we live in.

I'd love to discuss this further but I've just seen Toilet Duck go into the bathroom and I've had enough of him stealing my aftershave.

New lappy/laptop

Since it seems we can't agree on what is the best way of describing a portable computer I'll have to be bilingual. Like stupid French being everywhere in Canada, even on my bloody keyboard. As if a French/Canadian person doesn't know that 'Esc' means Escape and needs to have 'Eschapp' written underneath. I put it to Compaq that if someone needs that explaining then laptop computing is at least one stage ahead of them.

Other than that there's not much to update. I saw a guy (who clearly had no idea how to order food) in McDonald's today ask for some gravy. Needless to say he left the counter disappointed. It occured to me on the way out that Morgan Spurlock needn't have bothered supersizing himself for a month since as far as I can tell all the bums in Vancouver are working on that 24/7/365. It's amazing how immune you can become to anyone begging when you experience it on a daily basis. Actually maybe that's just me.

Other highlights from the week include:

- Seeing someone walking their ferret near the Chinatown Skytrain station

- Seeing someone walking their cat on Davie St. Here's a tip - if you put a lead on a cat and go outside you're going where the cat wants to go

- Checking out the products at the supermarket in Chinatown. They have got some crazy shit going on in that place, topped off by the 12 vacuum-packed snack size baby crabs

- A dude coming in the shop and telling us that in the film GI Joe, Dennis Quaid says there are weapons out there that the world has never seen. 'And that is true' - then leaving. He did this twice.

Pretty much ran out of ideas for the poll. That's the best I could come up with.

Ode to the Samsung M230

Would you like a phone that will infuriate you on a daily basis? Do you want to find new and exciting ways for a portable phone to amaze and depress you? Would you like a phone that makes even the most basic functions extremely difficult and time consuming?

If the answer is yes, the Samsung M230 is for you!

Experience a wide range of completely useless functions including:

- Changing the colour of the number you dial
- A countdown timer that is really a text field
- Deleting entire text messages because you pressed 'Back' too many times and the phone was frozen at the time
- Bluetooth to other phones (please note the Samsung M230 has no idea what anything on any other Bluetooth device is. But you can pair them!)

Want to use the same ringtones as your text alert? No problem! In fact, you have no choice! Please note you must listen to the entire 30 second ringtone since there are no options for beeps.

See! As other features you thought you wanted are now severely lacking, including but not limited to:

- Having predictive text that works (including showing words you think are available but are actually not!)
- Being able to change the background to anything other than the 6 images supplied
- Having the phone still ring even when you've answered it

Act now and we will throw in the worthless predictive text dictionary which does NOT include words such as tall, sure, little and kitchen!

This is a limited time offer and will expire when these phones are shipped to developing countries in aid packages. Dial 1-800-M230-SUCKS today!

Gay bingo - the evidence

So I promised and now I'll deliver. Well I won't really deliver, I'll publish the photos Lucy delivered. So it's kind of a team effort.

To set the scene a few of us went to this gay club on Davie St called Celebrities to play bingo. I needed a little cajoling but not a great deal and so began the adventure.


Rosie pre-game. You'd think that is her style but...


Yep. And who do we have to thank for this?


Why is it I'm always talking when someone pulls a camera?


The pack of us. Except Maddie who only seems to like having her photo taken when there's something in front of her face.


Receiving the goods from a drag queen. Ahem.


Making off with the loot. Incidentally I haven't even used any of the prizes yet. Maybe I'll leave the free meal until I have absolutely no money and no food and have to busk to get enough to leave a tip. Or I might just use it this weekend.

So that was it. And the drag queen didn't kiss me.

I love BC day

Turns out if you go to the bank and ask very nicely for them to clear your cheque, they do it for you.

Result.

I hate BC day

Yeah I loved the fake one a couple of weeks and the real one earlier in the week but now I think it's crap. And I'll tell you why. I paid in a cheque to HSBC last Friday but since Monday wasn't a working day I have to wait until Monday to withdraw the funds. Which means I have to take money out of my already withdrawn UK account just to feed myself for the weekend. Extremely annoying.

So I now have a place to stay and for the first time since arriving was able to unpack my bag. I never thought I'd appreciate being able to hang up clothes or fold away t-shirts but there you go. It also became apparent after a few hours that it can get a little boring being inside with nothing to do so any chance I've got has been spent going out. For instance last night myself, Greg, Maddie and Rosie spent a few hours near the beach playing chess (really) and having a few warm ones. It was livened up by the visit of not one, not two, but three skunks which sent the girls into a kind of mild panic. Rosie especially did not appreciate me telling her it was right behind her on several occasions despite it clearly being very funny to do so.

So this is kind of why I came I guess. I have job now and a place to sleep, after nearly 2 months I've achieved the four-fector. Am I glad I did it? Definitely. It's not like I could leave my house in the UK and walk for 2 minutes and be at the centre of a metropolis. Or walk for 20 minutes and have a massive park with mountain views within sight. But it's also getting out the routine which has done me good.

Maybe this will carry on when I eventually return home but I guess that's up to me. I'll also have to keep an eye out when I buy a lappy next week so I'm not lulled into the same thing again. But I'm pretty sure I'll be able to keep a lid on it.

In other news it seems Stone Cold Steve Austin shops at my local IGA Marketplace (kinda means nothing to me, but the guy working there who was helping him seemed very excited). And McDonald's also do a decent iced coffee for $2 (the addiction is starting to creep in). Kudos to the one person who didn't like coffee. They're keeping it real.

Something about always landing on my feet?

So the last couple of days have been interesting. After a night in Guantanamo I went to the front desk and discovered they were fresh out of rooms for Friday night, as well as the usual hostel I stay at. Whilst digesting this on the way to work I checked my bank account to discover that I had not been paid and still had that good old 38 cents in my account. So now, no money and no place to live.

Thankfully a couple of paychecks turned up at work that morning and I was able to cash one of them at a Bank of Montreal (only a $5 fee which I thought was alright) so I ticked one of the boxes. I messaged one of my friends who said I could probably stay on their floor, but after consulting the landlady this no longer became on option. What problem she had with me and only 3 other people sleeping on her living room floor I'll never know. So once I left work I was seriously contemplating a night under the stars, especially since my friendly local Comfort Inn offered me a room for $160. I called one hostel who told me they'd called most of the others for someone else and they were all full. I needed a slice of luck.

And one came along.

On the way to Templeton's Diner I went into the HI Central even though I'd been told they were full and asked with the lowest expectation possible if they were full. And amazingly they were not, they had 2 beds left. Once I'd calmed down and stopped telling the guy behind the desk I loved him I paid my way and headed off into the sunset for some yam soup and a grilled cheese sandwich.

And the hostel was amazing. Air conditioned rooms, an ensuite bathroom, free breakfast, it had the lot. I actually had to use a blanket since the room was getting chilly during the night, as opposed to the last place which had no air conditioning, no fan, windows that opened a tiny bit (not that you'd want them open, there was a club downstairs) and 7 other people in there. Sweating. Even the breakfast at the HI was good, although I understood nothing of the conversation the German people were having at my table (apart from the words Ferris Bueller).

So yeah, good times. I'm moving into the flat later today and should be able to buy a lappy in a couple of weeks. And it turns out that Monday was not BC day, that's the coming Monday. This is what happens when you read the wrong rota at work.

Ay Caramba

It's a hot one. Like over 30 degrees all this week, it's crazy. All I've been doing for the past few days is walking to work for 20 minutes and when I arrive I'm already drowned in sweat. Still, I'd rather it be that than ridiculously cold.

Having said that I did get over to North Van last Saturday and enjoyed the sunshine walking over the bridge. Didn't actually achieve anything once myself and Greg got there but it passed the time nonetheless.

But that's where the easy life ends and smacks me right in the middle of a mad couple of days. My place isn't ready until Saturday so I'll be hosteling for another 2 nights. Unfortunately my current hostel had run out of space so this morning I had to pack up all my things and walk through the heat with 30kg on my back to a place Greg affectionately calls 'Guantanamo'. So I've checked in there for one night since I literally don't have enough cash for 2 (I have 38 cents in my account) and left my bags in storage. I'll be heading back there in about half an hour to find a toilet or phonebooth to change into my work clothes and then head off for another shift. Then tomorrow morning when I've been paid I'll hope they have a room for another night and pay for that before leaving for work at 9. Terrific.

But after all that when I move in on Saturday things should calm down a little. I haven't slept in a room on my own for over 6 weeks and I'm looking forward to it. But I'd better go now since I need to pick up my orange overalls from the hostel.

Vancouver Public Library

This update is brought to you by the Vancouver Public Library. Turns out you can use some of their internets for free for up to an hour. So once you find a PC (a crusade in itself) you can browse the web for free. The sound doesn't seem to work though so at the minute I'm just wearing a pair of headphones with no sound coming out of them. Maybe it will catch on.

So some real choice happenings in the last few days, including:

- An American woman in the food court of the mall asking me "Why are there so many Asians here?". I don't know, why are you such a big racist?

- Some kid in the hostel being asked by his mum to put a lid on the saucepan. The lid was too small but he put it in anyway, so it was floating on top the pasta. Nice.

- Watching TV in the TV room and some guy walking in, looking at the screen and asking "So you just get one channel?". Err, no? One channel at the same time, yes. Perhaps if we had more than one TV we could put two channels on but that would just be confusing. You moron.

Weather is amazing again today, and apparently today is British Columbia day so it's a public holiday. All of this means pretty much nothing apart from it's a 4 day week, so BC day can stay as far as I'm concerned.

A revelation

So it turns out after more than 27 years I now like coffee. Not like loads but I can now drink it without feeling the urge to be sick in a bin. I tried an Iced Mocha at work today and it was pretty nice, then promptly tried a real coffee at the hostel and was surprisingly not repulsed. I hope this means that within 2 or 3 days I turn into some complete gibbering caffeine wreck. Good times.

Headed out to a fireworks display in English Bay yesterday which was something like 'the largest fireworks display in North America that is from barges' or something equally impressive-sounding but not really that impressive. And to be honest the fireworks were OK I guess but I'm not a fireworks person at the best of times and prefer Maddie's description of them as lights with noise. And it was ridiculously crowded. Like way more than it should be for some exploding colours. Still it was fun to pass the time working out how many homeless people could have been fed with the cost of each ooh and ahh.

Mad Phil (the Canadian conspiracy theorist) seems to have moved on to preach the message to the masses. But not before forcing Greg to watch a 9/11 Truths video on the internet and cornering me and asking what direction I felt the world was heading in. I resisted the temptation to say West on Davie Street and tried to engage in discussion but it became clear that I was viewed as part of the Rebel Alliance and a traitor.

Kudos to those who've voted for the regular diner, you know it makes sense. But some joker has said no?! Explain yourself.

Party cathedral

A busy week working, which is good and quite sad all in the same way. I'm not going to start talking about work since that is extremely boring and is of no use to anyone.

Looking forward to moving into the flat since hostel life is starting to wear thin. For the most part it's fine but there's some dude that's funking up the place at the moment which is not ideal. For some reason the guys in my room also seem to think it's OK to have detailed conversations about the day at 8.20 in the morning. Before 9am = not cool.

Met some pretty cool people so far, obviously Greg since he lets me borrow his lappy and doesn't complain when I launch into some diatribe about video games. There's the girls Maddy, Rosie and Chloe who are doing a similar thing to myself in terms of living and working here for the year. I actually should extend a shout out in thanks for the endless stories they seem to provide on a regular basis, so kudos for the material. In addition there's been a good number of people in the hostel, some good, some bad and some totally mental. Some highlights:

Boris - an Eastern European guy who was extremely stern in his greeting. Also shouted in Czech during his sleep which was great

German Ninja guy - the first guy I met on arrival. Moved like some kind of silent assassin during the night and didn't wake anyone. Top in my opinion

Canadian guy - seemed OK but for some reason decided to get naked when in the room far too often. Which was once

New Canadian guy - Conspiracy theorist. What more can you say? In fact can't say much since he's now at the same table as me!

Mika Hakkinen - well that's not his real name but he was Finnish. Was a vegan by choice and even paid the extra on his air fare as carbon offset. What a guy

Anyway that's it for now, I'm hoping the TV room has been liberated since the film today was Confessions of a Shopaholic. Riveting. The title of the blog is dedicated to Michael, a really awesome German guy who was in Greg's room. Top guy and referred to a club as a 'party cathedral' and I've decided that is the best thing I've ever heard.